5 things {7.28.16}

1. We have a couch! It has been a long three weeks of sitting on the stairs or the floor. All the couches we had in the past were hand-me-downs or Craigslist finds, and this is the first one we've ever chosen and purchased. It is huge and comfortable and I keep sitting on the stairs but I am going to remember that I can sit on the couch soon.

2. I went to book club at Browser's Book Store in Olympia and it was fabulous. I love to read so much, and I am afraid I drive Scott crazy with how much I want to talk about books. Being with a group of people who just wanted to delve into this book was sort of magical. And the bookstore itself is pretty dreamy, too -- being there made me feel like I should stop everything else I am doing and just read forever. I hope the eternities provide a few centuries of reading time, at least.

3. I injured my foot running. I think it is plantar fasciitis and I am limping around. I have a race that I am very excited for in two weeks and I am so worried that I won't be able to run it. Anyone have some advice?

4. Living in a place for only a year makes me feel very carpe diem. I was organizing my bookshelves today, and decided to just go for the rainbow look. I've always felt like that would be annoying -- how would you find anything? -- but I love the look, and have a lot of rainbow colors in other places in my house. I figured, if I hate it, it's one year until it all gets packed up again anyway. I love it.

5. I need to stop staying up late and go to bed.

The Washington!

We made it to the Washington! Our WiFi and furniture are still lagging behind, though, so I am camped out at a lovely Starbucks where they already know me, because I've been working on a writing class all week.

Our house is beautiful. So far the only furniture we have is a dining room table, a washer and dryer, and a couple of borrowed air mattresses, but I am loving all the space.

There is a lovely greenbelt outside our house -- I can actually see it from the kitchen sink. Not a day has passed that we haven't at least gone out there. It is so green and beautiful, and there are blackberries growing on it that I pick and feed my children. I feel like I am living in some magical nature fairytale.

I have managed to make a few potential mom friends, and am so grateful that people here are so open and friendly. I have even found a book club! #hallelujah Cal's Sunbeam class is large with lots of little boys, and I hope he is able to make some good friends, although he still blesses his friend Josh in every prayer he says, and reminds us to bless him in the prayers he isn't saying.

Also, Winco is the true best grocery store. Even better than Trader Joe's. Yes, I said it. (Although Trader Joe's is here too. And I went to both this week).

There have certainly been challenges already -- no furniture tops the list, children not sleeping is a close second, and the Army is shaping up to be rather difficult to navigate. But we like it here. :)

Reasons I am excited for "the Washington."

As most of you probably know, we left Los Angeles about three weeks ago. We have been on a massive road trip ever since, going from LA to Visalia to Modesto to Tahoe to Elko to Utah to Idaho. (Whew). But a week from tomorrow, we will be moving into our new home. And while there are many, many things I am going to miss about Los Angeles (I am trying to pile them into a coherent essay which will show up here someday), there are also many, many things I am excited about. Whenever Cal talks about our move, he calls our new state "The Washington," and I don't think I will ever be able to call it anything else.

So without further ado...

:: The Chehalis Western trail. This truly is the number one thing on my list. It is an old train track that has been paved over for several miles, and part of it is right behind our house. I have been so nature starved in Los Angeles, something I am just now realizing as I have been spending so much time in the mountains lately. I am so excited to have some nature in my backyard.

:: Living in a house (and not living in student housing)! We have lived in student housing for our entire marriage. I am so excited to live in a real house (and it is yellow! And I have always wanted to live in a yellow house!). I'm so excited to have a bit of space to stretch out, to have a little backyard, and most of all, to no longer have Nolan sleeping in my bathroom! That comes with a whole host of benefits, such as:

   :: Nolan sleeping better because he isn't in our room AND
   :: Being able to take baths before bed because we have a bathroom again

:: Being close to Seattle. I have never been to Seattle, but since I was in college I always fantasized about living in Washington. I love when little fantasies like that come true.

:: Hiking. I am by no means the most hard core or in shape hiker, but I do really love it. I am looking forward to having more opportunities.

:: Sweater weather. I have felt so truly deprived of this in Los Angeles. There is nothing better than curling up under a blanket with some hot chocolate or tea and a book, and this just isn't a thing in Los Angeles. The temperature dips below 60 for like eight minutes and I pile on all my sweaters at once, then I'm sweating immediately. I have heard the rain can be brutal, but right now I am looking forward to it. And since it's only for a year, I think I might not get sick of it.

:: Green all the time. I've been in the desert a lot this month, and I am looking forward to some GREEN.

:: Discovering a new place. One of the things I love about being in the Army (although I may get sick of it by the end) is the opportunity to discover new places and meet new people. I miss my friends in Los Angeles so much, but I am hopeful that I will meet some lovely people in Washington. I am excited to try new restaurants, to explore a new town.

Why I make my own baby food.

{Cal, age 8 months}

I've never thought of myself as an overly crunchy mama, although I guess I do baby wear. And I did have a doula. And I do use essential oils. But seriously, in Los Angeles, that is not crunchy. And I had epidurals with both labors, and both of my children have partaken liberally of formula (although to be honest, it wouldn't be that way if I had another choice). My point is, I never would have thought that I'd be the "type" to make my own baby food. I don't feed my family only organic food or have a problem heating up dinosaur shaped nuggets every other day for my 3 year old.

I do use pre-packaged baby food, especially for things we don't have in the house very often (green beans -- Scott hates them; applesauce, because I would never make applesauce from scratch for myself). But for the most part, I make my baby food, with both kids.

I think one of the main reasons has to do with being scarred as a child by having to feed my little brother baby food in the back seat. As a child, I was very, very easily grossed out, and those olive and puce colored jars of slime that smelled like vegetables (which, I might add, I never ate as a child -- I ate one baby carrot at dinner every night and that was it) were my responsibility to feed to my brother in the carseat. And, Jace ate baby food until he was five years old. I'm so not kidding. So I've always had an aversion to those baby food jars. Even now, when I do buy baby food, it is never the jars. I buy the plastic ones or the pouches. I wish I were kidding, but I'm not. I seriously can't deal with it. (I also can't eat bananas because I threw one up when I was 3. I still gag at the smell of them. Okay, I have a few issues).

{Nolan, age 6.5 months)

In a more serious vein, though, as I mentioned above, I wasn't able to feed my babies the way I wanted to feed them. I was so passionate about exclusive breastfeeding, and it simply wasn't an option for me. My babies lost excessive weight in the week after they were born (and yes, I know all babies lose weight -- this was above and beyond the normal amount of weight loss for a breast fed baby), and I was never able to produce sufficient milk for them. I have fought hard to breastfeed my small amount of milk to them, and was even able to give Nolan donor milk as his supplement for his first month thanks to some lovely ladies with extra milk. But I still feel that pang that I wasn't able to exclusively breastfeed. For that reason, when I started giving Cal solids, making his food felt like a special thing I was doing just for him. It felt like an act of devotion to take that extra time and plan for his baby food. I listened to a podcast once that said you could turn any task from dreary to enlightening by adding "meditation" after it, but in all seriousness, I feel like it is a very intentional, special task for me when I make my babies' food for them. I have tried to apply that feeling to making and cleaning Nolan's bottles this time around as well (a task that does feel dreary and disappointing to me, more often than not).

Finally, I genuinely love to cook. My idea of a break is not necessarily not making dinner, although of course there are times when that feels wonderful. It's more just to be left alone while I make dinner, and then to have everyone eat and enjoy that dinner happily (a girl can dream). Turning on a favorite show or podcast and spending an hour steaming and pureeing fruits and veggies, and then freezing them and sorting them into different colored bags, is my idea of a good time. But seriously.

If you are interested in making your own baby food, a few simple how-tos:
* I usually use a Beaba Babycook and my Vitamix. The Babycook has a steamer and a blender, but I do use the vitamix for larger batches, as well as tougher things that don't puree as well or fruits that don't need to be steamed like peaches.
* I freeze them in little trays with lids, but you could also use ice cube trays covered with saran wrap.
* I have a few cookbooks that were given to me, along with the Babycook and the trays, by my cousin Michele. My favorite one is called "Cooking for Baby" and has great month by month information about when it is appropriate to introduce different foods, as well as great finger food meals for older babies.
* I do love cookbooks, but it is also fun to be creative! As Cal got older, sometimes we even pureed parts of our meals for him. We also do a sort of adapted Baby-Led-Weaning where we give our kids a taste of whatever we are having in a form that they can handle.

To finish off, the favorite meal of both my kids (from The Baby Bistro)

Banana Avocado Mishmash
1 banana
1 avocado
1/2 c silken tofu (if baby is over 7 months)

Puree or mash, depending on baby's ability to handle texture. My kids devour this, and it is pretty high in calories. I felt like it helped my kids stay full through the night.

Do you have any favorite baby food recipes? I'm always looking for new ones to try!

{A few of my favorite things} 5.9.16

I miss blogging. The other day, my friend Amma asked me if I was still blogging, and I realized that I really haven't been blogging. I've gotten caught up in cleaning my house and finishing work projects and getting ready to move and trying to exercise and eat healthy and any writing has fallen by the wayside. I think I have several posts about recommitting to blogging. Let's add another to the stack.

A few of my favorite things these days:

:: The House that Lars Built. I came across this blog a month or so ago and fell in love. I feel like much of the popular style on blogs these days is very minimalist, clean and white. I love the idea of that, but it is so not me. I love lots of color and big florals (why I will never have a successful capsule wardrobe). This blog is perfect style inspiration for me. I also just bought her coloring book and it is gorgeous but not as detailed as some, which is perfect for me because I like my projects to be short.

:: Mrs. Meyer's cleaning products. They just smell SO GOOD. They make me want to clean (and I have cleaning). Favorite scent so far is honeysuckle, but I have been trying different ones because I had a coupon for $30 worth of free products from Grove Collaborative.

{via}

:: Peonies from Trader Joe's. Last year I saw some and thought, "Oh, I will buy some next week," and then they were gone. *Tragedy* I bought myself two bouquets as soon as I saw them this year and they smell wonderful and make me happy. I'm a strong proponent of buying oneself flowers. The emotional payoff is so worth it compared to the cost.

:: My bullet journal. I am a planner addict and have spent tons of money trying to find the perfect planner. The Erin Condren life planners are pretty close, but they are $50 and very bulky. I have even used LDS missionary planners, which are so detailed they come in six week increments. Nothing quite suited my needs. The reason the bullet journal is so great is that you design it yourself. You choose layouts and put them into a blank notebook and that way, you get exactly what you need. And you can constantly change it to suit your needs. It is slightly more time intensive, but since I absolutely love the planning process anyway, it just extends it a little. I have been using an old notebook, but I just bought a bright yellow Leuchtturm1917 that I can use when I use it up.

What are your favorite things?

{This post is not sponsored by anyone -- I'm not that cool! I just wanted to share what I've been loving these days.}

Getting hazed.

A week ago, I became an official stay-at-home mom. Not a mom on maternity leave, or a mom that was going to be working as soon as I found a job -- a mom that, for the foreseeable future, is staying home. I have been wanting this for years, and I am so grateful. It feels so good to know that I am going to be home every day, that I don't have to plan errands around work schedules, that even when Nolan wakes up a lot at night, I am still going to catch at least a few hours of night time sleep.

It is also so. hard. Which I knew, of course. Even when I was working full time, I still spent more days at home than at work. But there is something about being so fully immersed in it, knowing that I am not going to be spending the next day at work, that is different.

The kids are hazing me. Nolan has a raging case of bronchitis, and the only way he will sleep is if I walk slowly while bouncing him for at least 20 minutes. Then I might be able to get him to lie down for 1-2 hours. He won't even settle in our bed, previously our strategy of last resort. And Cal pooped his pants down his leg today and then pooped again in the bathtub. I don't know why people are in such a hurry to potty train. It is so much better when the excrement is contained in the diaper.

In a funny way, it reminds me of work. There were shifts were I had time to catch up on emails, continuing education, and work projects. Shifts where the kids took their oral meds without a fight, where I didn't have to do a blood transfusion (or two or three), where everything happened smoothly. And then there were shifts where the kid coughed up their NG tube, or yanked out their central line, or needed platelets every six hours, or needed busulfan levels (think lab draws every 15 minutes), or needed thiotepa baths, or were getting their bone marrow transplant, or needed PRN morphine every 2 hours, or ALL OF THE ABOVE. Those days, you have to just keep going, praying that you don't cause anything bad to happen and that you can give those patients enough.

Motherhood is like that, except you don't get lunch breaks. You don't get to go home and watch a television show without interruption. If you're like me the last few days, you aren't going to shower or change out of your work uniform (yoga pants). You might be able to count on 45 minutes to try and wash bottles and do dishes and shove some food into your mouth, and then it's going to be back to the slow, bouncing walk, one finger holding the pacifier in.

But then, just when you think you can't take any more, your three year old tells you you look like a princess or that he loves you to pieces, or your baby touches your face and giggles and then sleeps for an 8 hour stretch. The sleepless nights will come again. I'm probably going to get spit up on a few more times before I change this shirt. I may not have scrubbed all the poop out of the tub before the baby started crying, and I definitely didn't sanitize the potty (that's ok, it didn't get used much today!). But there is sanctification in this work, for all its frustrating moments, and I am grateful that it is now my full-time job.

Fantasy careers.

Does anyone else have fantasy careers? I have several alternate lives, some serious yearnings that I hope to fulfill some day, others paths I know I will never travel but that are still fun for me to fantasize about.

:: Food Critic
This probably partially stemmed from my love of the movie My Best Friend's Wedding ("I'm not going to give him up to some two-faced, big-haired, food critic!"). But seriously -- to have your life's work be eating and writing about food? Count me in. Also, read Gourmet Rhapsody by Muriel Barbery if you want to drool over the writings of a fictional food critic.

:: Chaplain
I love religion. I deeply believe in the religion I was raised in, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly called Mormons), but I also love learning about other religions as well as other denominations of Christianity. I love learning how people come to God, how they experience faith, and how they interpret the mystical. I think as a chaplain, I would have the chance to experience this in so many different ways. I love talking with the chaplains at work, and I am hoping I get the chance to have some conversations with military chaplains as well. I remember in my freshman year of college, my Honors 150 teacher told us at the end of the semester that she was leaving BYU to become a chaplain, which just sounds so amazing and fascinating.

:: Writer
Okay, I hope this one actually comes to fruition. Right now my fantasy is to have a couple of mornings a week where I could go write, uninterrupted, for maybe 3 hours. It might not happen until my kids are in school, or maybe at some point I will be able to pay for a babysitter once a week. But some day.

:: Lactation Consultant
This is another one that I am hoping I am successful with. I struggled so much with breastfeeding, and my kids and I had so many issues that I feel like I have had the chance to do a lot of research and learn a lot about breastfeeding. I also feel like I have a very balanced view of breastfeeding, as I have had to redefine what I want my breastfeeding relationship to look like as I've worked through the issues I've had. I think those first weeks between mother and baby are such a sacred space, and would love to help women connect with their babies through nursing, if that is their goal. I'm hoping to start working on this in the next couple of years.

:: Midwife/Women's Health Nurse Practitioner
This career path has recently been on my mind and heart. When I first started my nursing career, I decided I didn't want to be nurse practitioner. The idea of being responsible for calling the shots was stressful to me. However, recently I've felt that this is an issue of confidence, not ability, and that I could be a very good midwife if I get over my fear of failure. It's funny because in nursing school I had no interest in obstetrics whatsoever. I didn't even complete a maternity rotation because my focus was completely on pediatrics and oncology. However, after giving birth -- once, in a traumatic way and once in a healing, wonderful way -- I really want to work with women and their babies. I also feel a really strong pull to work with women who are experiencing infertility, as I have so many friends and coworkers that have dealt with this challenge. I would love to be a resource and be able to help these women bring babies into the world. I would also love to nurture women after birth -- I feel like it is such a difficult transition where we need as much tenderness as possible. I would love to be part of a birth center where the midwives were able to make home visits. I'm not sure how or when this will happen, but right now my heart is very pulled in this direction, so we will see what the future brings.

:: Stay at home mom 
I have been working for the last three years as a pediatric bone marrow transplant nurse. It has been an incredible learning and growing experience, but it has also been incredibly stressful. I'm looking forward to the days up ahead where I can spend most of my time at home with my children. I know it isn't easy -- there are days when I am grateful that I can drive to work and have space from my children. But I have definitely felt the strain of not being home and the pangs in my heart from leaving my babies. I know that there is more work in my future, but for the next year I am going to be at home, and I am incredibly grateful for that. Balance is a constant struggle, but hopefully with practice I will stay on my feet longer.

What fantasy careers do you have?