Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A Short and Sweet Guide to Bus Etiquette

I am quickly becoming one of the world's leading authorities on the UTA transportation system. I spend more time on it than normal people. I know pretty much every possible way to get from Salt Lake to Provo, and several other places besides. As I've developed this expertise, I have learned a few things that are are bus appropriate and a few things that are not. So, if you ever intend to ride UTA, I hope you choose to subscribe to these simple rules.

1. Do not cross the seat line. This is not a difficult concept. You have been allotted twelve inches of space to sit, and I have been allotted twelve inches of space. You are not allowed to encroach upon my twelve inches, leaving me with only eight inches. This includes your elbows and your bags.

2. If there are multiple seats open in the bus, do not sit next to a person with a very large bag. While they will probably be forced to put it in front of them at some point, leaving them with no leg room and forcing them to contort their body into all sorts of unimaginable positions in order to fit in the allotted twelve inches of space, it is nice to keep that seat open as long as possible. Go sit by the person who only has an ipod.

3. Do not fall asleep on another person, unless this person is your significant other.

4. Do not smoke on the bus.

5. Do bathe before you ride the bus. If you slept in and had to run for it and didn't have time to bathe, put on some cologne. Or deodorant. Or clean clothes.

6. It is appropriate to make polite conversation, but if you see your seat partner is studying, sleeping, or otherwise engaged, keep your remarks succinct.

7. If you are forced to stand on the bus, do not rest your elbow in the near vicinity of a seated person's head, as you will jiggle multiple times and give the seated person a minor concussion.

8. Do not board the bus until everyone else has exited the bus.

9. Greet the bus driver when you board. Thank the bus driver when you get off.

10. If circumstances require you to take a call, keep your voice soft. We don't all want to hear your conversation.

Any questions?

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