what we've been driven to in the Lemmons household.

Scene: a girl in her twenties sits on the couch surrounded by textbooks while a boy in his twenties does the dishes, vacuums, and sweeps.

Girl: Aaaaah FINALS SUCK!! I am so stressed!! AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Radio: Plays "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon


Boy: I clean everything you want, I clean everything you need.
I clean everything inside our house that you want to be clean
I clean all the right things, at exactly the right time
But it means nothing to you and I don't know why!

Welcome to the Lemmons household.

finals.

Finals is a rather ugly time of year, don't you think?

We are supposed to be full of Christmas cheer, singing carols and rejoicing in the birth of the Savior, giving gifts of love to people we know and some that we don't. Instead we languish in dark windowless libraries, trying in vain to cram our little neurons with information from the last four months that was bypassed the first time around by blithe excursions on Pinterest and surreptitious Netflix watching.

My finals week is actually much lighter this semester than it has been in the past. I don't know if nursing is easier than neuroscience or if the University of Utah is easier than BYU, but my class load isn't nearly as heavy as usual. While I'm still really busy, most of the issues come with traveling, not studying. However, that dark, nasty finals feeling is still surrounding me, obscuring the fact that in four days I will be in California and in six, on a ship to Mexico; obscuring the fact that three weeks of blissful freedom {in which I am going to try very, VERY hard not to bring an NCLEX study guide into my vacation time} are ahead of me. I really think that finals week contains the longest, dreariest days of the year.

Bear in mind, I am being facetious. I know I am very lucky that finals are my biggest problem right now. That, and the fact that everywhere in Provo is out of mistletoe, and December 12th and mistletoe combine for a very special tradition for Scott and my relationship and I am sad that we can't have it this year. But I digress.


However, despite the fact that finals cannot be skipped, only pushed through and endured and beaten, there are a few solutions to the finals woes. Disclaimer: Solutions are in no way proven to positively affect G.P.A.


1. Blogging. Obviously. I am at this very moment experiencing the effects of this cheap and effective therapy.

2. Pinterest, which goes hand in hand with blogging. What better way to revive your dead spirit than by being creative {or envying those that are?}

3. Eating Nutella out of the jar with a spoon. Anyone who chooses to consume alcohol or abuse illegal drugs is clearly missing a key point -- Nutella is a much quicker route to happiness. The onset of a Nutella high is only 0.27 seconds. Also, it is cheaper, not to mention legal.

4. Spend time in a beautiful place and get a dose of eternal perspective while you're at it. Today, I left campus a few minutes early for some surreptitious Christmas-ing at the Gateway Mall. I then had to make the journey back to my bus stop on the opposite end of Temple Square by 3:15 to catch my bus home. As I walked by the Salt Lake Temple in the almost completely abandoned Temple Square, I felt so peaceful and so lucky. When I looked at the Nativity scene in the reflecting pool I loved the juxtaposition of the Savior, who gave us the opportunity to receive eternal life, and the Temple, that more or less opens the door to let us through. I was grateful that in a few mundane moments of my busy day, I had the opportunity to walk in a quiet place and remember what eternity is about -- not my tests and whether or not I get an A or an A --, not whether I have the time to do all the little traditions for Christmas that are meaningful, but not essential the way Christ is.

{Image Source}

5. Take a deep breath, grit your teeth, and get back to work. It won't be fun, but you can do it. And there is light at the end of the tunnel {but have the fortitude to leave your textbooks at home, no matter how much you think you can get ahead!} {Okay, that last bit was mostly for me.}

smarty pants.

This person works very, very hard. Can you tell by all those papers on his lap (if you look closely, they are covered with nasty things like physics and chemistry)? Can you tell by the determined expression in his eyes?

He has been working hard for the last six years -- two of those years were spent as a missionary, learning how to work hard and dedicate himself to something higher than himself day in and day out -- and the other four were spent doing what you see him doing in this picture -- studying like crazy, as well as shadowing dentists, doing service, and teaching Italian.

After all of that hard work, he has gotten his reward -- acceptances at Midwestern University and Roseman University!

Midwestern is one of Scott's top schools, with a unique curriculum and a great reputation. Some of our friends will be there next year, which would be fun if we end up going there. Scott likes the fact that it is in Arizona, aka never being cold again, and I am kind of curious to see what it is like because it is located in the city I was born in {but have no memories of}.

Roseman is in Utah. We probably won't be going there, although it would have been nice if only because we would be closer to family. However, I feel obligated to brag because I know that Scott won't -- his interviewer personally went to the admissions committee and told them by name that he wanted Scott to be at their school.

Does this mean that we will be living in Arizona? We don't know yet, because Scott has one more interview, at University of California - San Francisco, which is near his family and also his dad's alma mater. We should know whether he is accepted to that school by the end of January, and then we will be able to make our permanent choice.

I am so proud of Scott for working so hard. He has worked for this for years, and he has definitely earned it! I should know, because I took all of the same classes {although I didn't do as well as he did}! We will keep you posted on where we decide to go. We have to put down a deposit {about $1000 - ouch!} before the UCSF interview, so that interview will have to be pretty stellar to change our minds, but we will see. I am excited for what the next four years have in store for us, and happy to have it a little more narrowed down. 

Thankfulness: Days 14-20

I really am grateful, even though I didn't write about it all week. It's been a little crazy!

Day 14: I am grateful that our car works. I've put it through a lot, and sometimes I am surprised that it is still creaking its way down the highway. But without it, I would have to spend four hours on the bus for a half hour assignment at the hospital on Mondays.

Day 15: I am grateful to be healthy. Spending time all day with miserable patients has really helped me to appreciate health and ability. I know that I may not always have it, so I want to spend my time trying to be as healthy as possible and taking advantage of the body I've been given, that so far walks, talks, sees, hears, breathes, and moves pretty well.

Day 16: I am grateful that I had a great nurse preceptor on this day. They can be few and far between, and I really needed one that day... it had been a rough last few couple of clinicals.

Day 17: I am grateful I can sleep on the bus. Because sometimes, I just really need it.

Day 18: I am grateful for DAYS OFF.

Day 19: I am grateful for my lovely grandmother and great-grandmother {happy birthday}

Day 20: I am grateful that I got to spend time with my little sister yesterday.

non sequitur

Okay world, I know I owe you 5-6 blog posts worth of thankfulness, but can I just have a brief moment to go on about nothing?

I really want to do something drastic with my hair. Like maybe dye it a strange color it has never been before (and/or cutting bangs)

or chopping it off

or maybe just learning to style it like this person:

Yup, that's my little sister. Think she'll teach me how?


Or, I could just practice {a lot} and learn to do it like this:

Here's the problems:
1. No money to maintain a color job
2. My hair doesn't like being made to be in bangs {too wispy and staticky}
3. I have never spent more than 15 minutes on my hair in the morning in my life
4. My arms get tired when I start to French braid my hair
5. The hubs would disown me if it was short anyways

Any suggestions for my restless hair syndrome?

Thankfulness: Old friends and eternal friends.

Day 12: On Friday, I had the chance to hang out with my best friends from freshman year. I'm not sure if it was our first taste of freedom, being at college, or just the fact that we were all so AWESOME, but we bonded that year and I love the chance to see any of them whenever I can. Seeing almost ALL of them in one place was even better (plus love interests/spouses/children, ya know). Old friends. <3

Day 13: I have been very overwhelmed with life this weekend. I'm not sure if it is just that breaking point in the semester or something else, but I feel like my classes are too heavy, that I'll never be a good nurse, and that I just want to curl up on the couch and watch TV until my brain is blank. But my husband noticed that I was feeling down, cleaned the house, sat next to me and told me all of the reasons he thought I would be good at nursing and how I can get over feeling like I won't do well enough. There is definitely a good reason I picked him to spend eternity with. :) My eternal friend. <3

Thankfulness -- Armed Services. (And wishes)

Day 11: I am grateful to the men and women who fight and have fought, often unremembered, to keep my country and my family safe.

And I am grateful that Scott is going to go take care of their teeth. :)

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Also, I am grateful for epic wishes. I saved up two for today. I've made the first but not the second yet. It is superstitious but I feel like they are going to come true because I saved them just for today. 

Thankfulness - Long weekends

Day 10: Nursing school sucks most of my time away. However, it is kind enough to only make me go to school three-four days a week, so I can't complain about the six hours worth of homework I do on my days off -- at least I get to do them at home in my pajamas!

Thankfulness -- Taco Bell

Day 9: Nowhere else can I get 0.5 lbs of delicious cheesy goodness that will go straight to my tummy. Taco Bell, you hurt me but I can't stop loving you.

Thankfulness -- Feeding tube detritus.

Day 8: I am grateful that the lovely stains from the feeding tube that unexpectedly squirted iron supplement all over my brand new white shirt and my white scrubs came out. So, I guess to state that more concisely, I am grateful for Fels Naptha. Woot.

Thankfulness. Times 7.

Everyone is doing these little posts where every day in November they say something they are thankful for. Last year I was thinking I wanted to do something like that as well... but I forgot. And then this year, I forgot again, until this weekend, when I actually had a couple of minutes to throw together and think about things like that. At first I thought, Oh well, I guess that will be a good idea for next year, but then I realized, next year the exact same thing will probably happen again. So today I am going to make a MEGA POST of seven things I have been thankful for over the last few days, and then from now on I will post a little something something I am thankful for daily. Or every couple-of-day-ly.

1. I am thankful to have a husband who cooks.

I am so glad that Scott loves to cook, and that he is willing to divide the cooking up with me so that we each only have to cook about three nights a week. He is just as busy as I am, but he is always willing to help me.

2. I am thankful that Scott's UCSF interview is at a time when we are already in San Francisco.

I feel like we have really been blessed with our interviews. For the most part, they have been to places we already are or will already be, meaning that we haven't had to spend thousands of dollars to get there.

3. I am thankful for daylight savings time ending.

I know that I needed that extra hour of sleep on Saturday night, and I just find it so much easier to fall asleep and wake up now that the time schedule has been adjusted a bit. I guess my biological clock isn't on daylight savings time.

4. My busiest class has no homework this week.

This is giving me the opportunity to catch up on so many things that I fell behind last week. (Such as being grateful)

5. General Conference.

I have been gaining a lot from reading these talks this conference. Sometimes I feel like I study a lot and learn quite a bit, while other times I haven't been as diligent. This last conference I have felt really motivated to continue reading the talks and I feel like they are blessing my life quite a bit.

6. Good friends in nursing school.

Nursing school can be really stressful, and there are really quite a few situations that are difficult to deal with. It is nice to have good friends that I can talk with and process through the experiences (plus it makes the experiences more fun to have someone there).

7. This is a small thing, but I am SO grateful I didn't have to scrape my windshield this morning. I know it won't last, but I'm not complaining for every day that it is still clear!

Travel Bug

Lately, I am restless to go somewhere I haven't ever been before. While there are several places I would like to return to (Paris, Bruges, San Francisco), I am really craving to explore a new city. I don't know which I would choose, but here is a short list of the places I want to go. 

Seattle, WA

Portland, OR

 New York City, NY

London, England

Venice, Italy

Verona, Italy

Grand Canyon, AZ

Alaska

Testimony

The way to receive personal revelation is really quite clear. We need to desire to receive revelation, we must not harden our hearts, and then we need to ask in faith, truly believe that we will receive an answer, and then diligently keep the commandments of God.

Following this pattern does not mean that every time we ask a question of God, the answer will immediately appear with every detail of what to do. However, it does mean that if we diligently keep the commandments and ask in faith, answers will come in the Lord’s own way and in His time.

- Barbara Thompson

The things that make life

* Early morning snuggles (both of us being conscious at the same time... imagine that)
* Creativity
* Dave Brubeck
* Spontaneous and flamboyant nail polish experiments
* Fifteen hours of documentary joy
* Learning to hate homework in my twenty-first year of formal education
* Milking fall for all it's worth
* Friendship
* Pizza
* Discovering new songs and only listening to them on Grooveshark
* Focusing on acquiring knowledge instead of completing a task list (thank you, Scott)

After six hours of studying and more to go...

This is how I feel.

Matisse

Henri Matisse is my favorite artist. He does some beautiful paintings, but I love his cut-outs best.

In recent news...

Photo Source

I made tie-dye cupcakes last night. The frosting did not turn out like whipped cream but instead a sloppy, separated mess that still tasted pretty good. Oh well.

Finals week in nursing school. 2 classes down, 3 to go. Granted, the 2 classes down are the easy ones. But still.

I just got Pinterest. I'm not sure how to add people or to be added... but figuring it out. Makes a good way to pass the time in Health Promotions... (after responding to all my blog comments, adding to my immensely long TBR list on GoodReads, and playing a few rapid-fire games of Solitaire).

This post is not Scott-approved, however...

Photo Source

I am ready for fall.

Sweaters.

Actual night - not 6 pm night, but 8:30 pm night.

Wearing beanies.

Cider.

Pumpkin products. Everywhere. All day, every day.

This is possibly my last fall. Do you know how sad that is? Next year we could be ANYWHERE.

A Short and Sweet Guide to Bus Etiquette

I am quickly becoming one of the world's leading authorities on the UTA transportation system. I spend more time on it than normal people. I know pretty much every possible way to get from Salt Lake to Provo, and several other places besides. As I've developed this expertise, I have learned a few things that are are bus appropriate and a few things that are not. So, if you ever intend to ride UTA, I hope you choose to subscribe to these simple rules.

1. Do not cross the seat line. This is not a difficult concept. You have been allotted twelve inches of space to sit, and I have been allotted twelve inches of space. You are not allowed to encroach upon my twelve inches, leaving me with only eight inches. This includes your elbows and your bags.

2. If there are multiple seats open in the bus, do not sit next to a person with a very large bag. While they will probably be forced to put it in front of them at some point, leaving them with no leg room and forcing them to contort their body into all sorts of unimaginable positions in order to fit in the allotted twelve inches of space, it is nice to keep that seat open as long as possible. Go sit by the person who only has an ipod.

3. Do not fall asleep on another person, unless this person is your significant other.

4. Do not smoke on the bus.

5. Do bathe before you ride the bus. If you slept in and had to run for it and didn't have time to bathe, put on some cologne. Or deodorant. Or clean clothes.

6. It is appropriate to make polite conversation, but if you see your seat partner is studying, sleeping, or otherwise engaged, keep your remarks succinct.

7. If you are forced to stand on the bus, do not rest your elbow in the near vicinity of a seated person's head, as you will jiggle multiple times and give the seated person a minor concussion.

8. Do not board the bus until everyone else has exited the bus.

9. Greet the bus driver when you board. Thank the bus driver when you get off.

10. If circumstances require you to take a call, keep your voice soft. We don't all want to hear your conversation.

Any questions?

Temple in Versailles!

When I went to France three years ago, I had the opportunity to hear President Uchtdorf speak in a meetinghouse in Versailles about what the French members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints needed to do to receive the blessings of a temple in France. I had never been so close to a General Authority and the talk was a very special and sacred experience.

You can imagine why I was very excited to receive a text from Scott this morning saying that the Church is probably building a temple in France. The official statement is here.

Plan for the Rome, Italy temple

A temple is also being built in Rome, Italy - the first temple built in Italy, where Scott served his mission. Travel is a big goal and interest for Scott and I, and we have already planned on going to the Rome temple, although we haven't yet figured out exactly how or when we will have the opportunity to go. Now "my" country will have a temple as well, and I couldn't be more excited! The members in Versailles are such good people and welcomed us with open arms. Despite the language barrier, the Spirit was very strong in their ward and I had a lot of spiritual growth there. I am so excited for them - now they will have a temple in their backyard. I can't wait to see what it will look like! The Church is true! :-D

Perfection My Way

I just got an 89 on a test. A test that I made 638 flashcards for, read over 10 textbook chapters, and had to memorize multiple drugs with similar sounding names and adverse effects. A test for which I only spent two days studying. So I should be happy, right?

But I'm not - I'm disappointed, for two snarky little reasons: Comparison and Perfectionism.

This made me think - first of all, why do I feel bad if I score a few points lower on a test than a few of my classmates? Classmates, I might add, who don't travel almost four hours a day just to get to and from school. Second of all, all I have to do to become a nurse is pass. (In my program, a passing grade is C or higher). Obviously, I should be doing my best, but why should I beat myself up when my best is not a 100%?

I'm not sure how to combat these two little companions that follow me around almost all of the time. I think part of this is conditioning - when I am a perfectionist, when I push myself to be the best, I usually meet with at least some degree of success. I might not get the top score in the class, but I usually do well. I feel like I am praised for accomplishing a lot. This makes me want to keep up the cycle, even when I am ready to pull my hair out because I just want to stop. I feel like there has to be a balance somewhere, but the mere hint of slowing down is descried as blasphemous. You mean you want to be a slacker? You want to slow down?

I think this is a flaw in our cultural mindset (both as Americans and, for me, as an LDS woman). America is all about capitalism, and capitalism is all about competition. This is a positive thing in the business world, but I'm not so sure about day to day life. It isn't worth only getting five hours of sleep a night to have the best grades - I know this in my mind, but for some reason it doesn't translate to my behavior. In the LDS culture (not the religion, the doctrine, but the culture) women have to be good at everything. We have to bake our meals from scratch, and have spiritual experiences every day, and have perfectly behaved children and scrubbed homes. We have to be thin and have perfectly balanced diets, but can still eat the refreshments offered at every single social occasion. We need to be volunteering (prominently, of course), attending the temple, organizing social events, and still managing to be home when the kids get off the bus.

However, I'm pretty sure when the Lord said "be ye therefore perfect," he wasn't referring to home decor or report cards. He was referring to the commandments, right? We are supposed to be perfect in obedience, perfect in not lying or committing adultery or being uncharitable to our neighbor. There is more to this than avoiding bad behavior, but much less to it than living up to those Anthropologie-model-mommy-blogs we all love to read so much.

In my life my worry about what others think has decreased significantly. It still has quite a ways to go, but I think this weekend I am going to stop trying so hard. Guess what - I came to school today with unwashed hair and a shirt that wasn't the most flattering because I didn't want to turn the light on and wake up my husband while I searched for a better one. The girls behind me were perfectly made up in their designer clothes, but they didn't have to get on the bus at 5:41 this morning. Guess what - I am going to spend the bus ride reading a book instead of my textbook, because all I've done for the last few days is read flashcards. I'm still going to be behind, but I can't do more than I can do.

The Fan: An Epic Adventure

The scene: 9:30 pm. Scott is playing tennis, and I am studying. The fan, our only refuge in our steamy, close, second story apartment, begins wailing in an unearthly screech.

10:00. Scott gets home. "What is that?"

10:24. Scott removes the face of the fan, thinking it is a rubbing noise. Dust blows all over our bedroom.

10:27. Scott pours olive oil over the fan.

10:31. "Lorren, will you run down to the car and get the belt conditioner?"

10:34. The bedroom is now steamy and filled with poisonous fumes. And hellish screeching.

10:40. Despair.

10:57. Scott grabs a hammer and gives the fan a couple of solid whacks. I yell out, "That is such a man thing to do! 'Let's just hit a couple of times and see if it works!'"

10:58. An eerie silence descends on our apartment as we wait, breathlessly, to see if the fan will begin wailing again.

10:59. I humbly apologize.

11:02. We go to sleep with the fan (silently) blowing blissfully cold air over us.

Fin.

Making cookies (eating vast amounts of cookie dough)

Lorren: "I feel like death again. But in a good way."

Scott: "That's like the epitome of Lorren - feeling like death from eating too much cookie dough."

Procrastination

Sometimes

when I have a paper to write

I shop online for random things.

Here's what I found today:

I am married to a dentist to be...

"I love your gums and your teeth."

- Scott

And then some days, I feel like this.

I have been accused multiple times of being irrational when I am stressed out. So, if you will, a word of explanation.

Nursing - The Story So Far.

Give me ten words that make you think of your experience as a nursing student so far.

Ready... go.

Challenging

Beautiful

Introspective

Vocation

Dirty

Health

Stress

Overwhelming

Unlimited

Human

So far, my experience has been a mixed bag. On the one hand, I have learned that:

a) commuting mostly sucks

b) the days off on Fridays thing doesn't really count, because you could spend 12 hours studying and still not do everything

c) the professors expect that nursing is your one priority in life. Anything else must be shuffled to the side for that email they will send you 14 hours before your reading is due updating the assignment

d) there is a LOT of dirty work involved. Ever heard of a fecal ostomy?

However, on the other (more influential) hand, I have learned what nursing really is, and it has been eye-opening. In my mind, nurses worked for doctors. The doctors were the bosses, and the nurses did all the dirty work. There were subtle hints of my ideal ideas of what nurses also did, obviously, or I wouldn't have chosen the career at all, but the stereotype definitely hung heavy in my mind.

In reality? What nurses do is beautiful and all-encompassing. We watch the body for reactions to medical treatments and new problems, as well as the return to health. We watch the mind for uncertainties and confusion. We watch the soul for ways to steer it back to more health-promoting states. Today on the bus, the older gentleman next to me said, "I assume you are studying to be a nurse?" (judging from my scrubs and pharmacology textbook, I imagine). When I nodded, he said, "What a noble profession." I felt the fuzzies from that comment for the rest of my 6 block walk to clinical. Ever since I've switched to nursing, I've felt the need to defend my decision, to explain to everyone that it wasn't a step down from pharmacy, even though no one has come out and told me they thought it was. Still, it was nice to get some external validation for the decision, and I think it was a perfect echo of what has been going on inside my head for the last four weeks, underlying the stress and the frustration with due dates - I have found the right profession.

Taste of France

Photo source

Three years ago this week, I said goodbye to my favorite city in the world, the place where I had to stretch myself, speak a different language, and discover the world. I also had to say goodbye to one of the most delicious desserts in the world, the macaron (not to be confused with the macaroon). I have had macarons twice since returning to the United States, but each attempt was insipid and mediocre, nothing compared to the burst of flavor I experienced at world-renowned patisseries like Laduree and Pierre Herme.

However, this week I discovered a little French bakery on 500 South in Salt Lake City, and as I have clinical only 6 blocks away, I decided today was a good time to investigate. I marched there in my scrubs with my frizzy unwashed hair and oversized backpack and asked if they had what I was looking for.

For a second I was disappointed when the friendly, overly cheerful cashier asked, "You mean macaroons?" and gestured at a display. However, after quickly remembering the bakery's own term for macarons, "buttons," (maybe to avoid the confusion with macaroons?) I bought two pistachio confections and left for the train, feeling victorious, and as sophisticated as a girl in scrubs who has been up since 4:30 this morning can feel.

Were they worth the journey? I think so. I haven't found the perfect burst of flavor I experienced in my first macaron (citron) at Laduree, but Laduree did invent the cookies in the first place, so I can't expect a little Salt Lake City bakery to have attained the same level of culinary perfection. The cookie was just the right level of crunch and ganache, and the nutty pistachio taste is still lingering on my mouth. And I am staring at my husband's cookie, wishing I hadn't told him that I'd bought him one. :)

101 Goals - 1001 Days

I came across this little project at my blogging friend Jillian's blog and I thought it sounded like a great way to motivate myself to try something new and improve my life. So starting today, June 5, 2011 and ending on March 2, 2014, I will be trying to accomplish these 101 things. Some of them are serious and some are more important, but I am hoping I will really be able to do them all.

1. Read my scriptures for at least five minutes (hopefully usually more than that) every single day for a year

2. Be able to run 5 miles without stopping

3. Read 5 Shakespeare plays

4. Be able to do 15 "man" push-ups

5. Visit the Spiral Jetty

6. Go to Moab

7. Journal every day for a month

8. Complete a 365 photo a year project

9. Learn to make my dad's wheat bread

10. Re-read Les Miserables

11. Read Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

12. Have a baby!

13. Become a registered nurse

14. Read Walden outside

15. Perform on the piano in public (other than in sacrament meeting)

16. Go to two temples I've never been to before

17. Be published on something other than a blog

18. Write a poem that rhymes

19. Finish a short story

20. Reach 250 followers on my book review blog

21. Get through a rough draft of the novella I'm working on right now

22. Finish my wedding scrapbook

23. Make cinnamon rolls

24. Buy vegetables from a farmer's market

25. Have an herb garden with at least three herbs in it (I'm thinking basil, rosemary, and chamomile)

26. Learn to like bananas without throwing up

27. Go to the temple three times in one week

28. Eat five fruits and vegetables a day for a month

29. Work in an oncology unit

30. Learn how to French braid

31. Memorize the Chopin nocturne I've been working on

32. Master Liszt's Sonetto 104 Petrarcho (those little trilly parts... so difficult!)

33. Go to Alcatraz

34. Read The Book of Mormon in French

35. Make my own herbal tea

36. Make my own face scrub

37. Fly a kite

38. Finish my wedding thank you notes

39. Go camping

40. Take a picture in front of a state sign

41. Make a pie

42. Write letters to my high school friends that I've fallen out of touch with

43. Meditate every day for a month

44. Watch the entire Harry Potter movie series in a less than two week period

45. Eat lobster

46. Visit The Booksmith in San Francisco

47. Write a fan letter to an author

48. Learn to play and memorize "Someone Like You" by Adele

49. Join a writing group

50. Feed the ducks

51. Visit the Bean Museum

52. Hike Stewart Falls

53. Have a bonfire/guitar night at Vivian Park

54. Go to a state I've never been to before

55. Learn to cook a meal with fish (I love fish, but I've never cooked with anything but tuna!)

56. Do something crazy to my hair (either dye or cut! It's bee pretty much the same for years!)

57. Give lunch to a homeless person

58. Eat an orange right off the tree

59. Make fresh-squeezed lemonade

60. Make a snow fort that I can go inside

61. Go to the zoo

62. Go to Birds of Prey with Scott-face.

63. Go on a picnic

64. Floss every night for a month (If I'm going to be a dentist's wife... I'd better start flossing)

65. Watch fireworks

66. Go on a boat in the sea! (Because I go on boats in lakes a lot, but only once on the sea)

67. Make out with my husband on Squaw Peak

68. Hike Squaw Peak in autumn

69. Watch a meteor shower

70. Go to a rock concert

71. Go to a symphony

72. Hike to the top of the canyon whose name I don't know but that I've hiked almost to the top about 4 times

73. Make homemade gelato

74. Make a photo collage for above our kitchen table

75. Learn a new song on guitar

76. Bear my testimony without crying

77. Go star-gazing

78. Make a rainbow-layer cake

79. Learn to conjugate in two tenses other than the present in Italian

80. Finish the temple cards I have printed out

81. Index 10,000 names

82. Give away a Book of Mormon

83. Make a mormon.org profile

84. Get enough water for food storage

85. Make a wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11 (But what will I wish for? What will be epic enough?)

86. Review all my NetGalley and review copies

87. Give back to BYU

88. Go to a book festival

89. Go a week without chocolate (This is pretty dang ambitious of me)

90. Slow dance with the Hubs

91. Go out to dinner in a pretty dress

92. Beat Scott at Racko

93. Go out for crepes

94. Go to Spark with my sister

95. Try Moroccan food

96. Put on my wedding dress again

97. Buy something vintage

98. See a play

99. Make macarons

100. Go bird-watching

101. Explore a city with no destination in mind

So... here goes nothing, hmm?

Home

I feel like I've always been attuned to the overall mood of a place. Certain songs or books always have given me a sense of where I am, a sense of atmosphere. Even when I haven't read the book or heard the song in years, it only takes a few seconds to bring me right back to where I was before. I also think I've always been affected by the atmosphere of a place. Despite the fact that I can be a pretty messy and cluttered person, the atmosphere of my home affects my ability to accomplish anything. I feel like I'm fairly sensitive to the beauty or lack of beauty in my environment.

For all this, I've never thought too much about home. I look forward to going home, but in the past it hasn't been because of the place. Home to me is more a function of the people around me. If my family comes to Provo to visit me, I'm home.

But this weekend, I've been overwhelmed with appreciation for the beauty of my (now past-tense) home. I love the flowers and the quiet street on which my parents live. I love the painted, not white walls. I love the picture frames with my siblings and grandparents. I love the surroundings that gradually changed around me as I grew up, sometimes shifting but always in a way that was comfortable and everyday.

Now, my Boise family is probably rejoicing and my Modesto family is probably worrying that we are going to end up here. I have no idea where we will end up - there are pros and cons of each situation, and the fact that it is at least five years ago means it is not really on the radar yet. I'm just grateful for the awareness in the moment of how blessed I am to be in such a beautiful, peaceful place in this short respite from school.

puggles

This is a puggle. Aka a baby echidna. Scott came across these in his animal diversity class. He thinks they are the cutest things in the world. He wants to call our children puggles when they come into existence.

When he's feeling really cute, he calls me a puggle.

Am I missing something here?

Because I think that is the ugliest animal I have ever seen.

Just sayin.

April Updates

I have graduated.

Scott is studying for the DAT, which means I come home and see him staring at images of pieces of paper folded in weird configurations and then hole-punched. This is a true story.

I have three days of work left at Borders.

We are going to California on Friday.

I have two weeks left before U of U Nursing owns my soul.

la la la life

I never know what to title my blog posts, because they are all a smorgasbord of random facts about our lives, since I am often behind in posting. Oh well.

Some highlights from our glamorous lives since we've last posted:

* We met Markus Zusak. We ended up breaking into the Provo Library at 12:30 am in order to get our books signed by him. We were there until 1:30... yes, there were still people in line. My nerdiness has reached a whole new level unsurpassed by any other human being.

* I got in another car wreck. This one, fortunately, was not my fault. Also fortunately, no one was hurt and the car is still drivable, so no huge inconveniences there.

* We were able to watch (most of) conference this weekend (I had to work during the Saturday afternoon session - thank goodness for the internet, which will allow us to catch up). I feel like almost every talk I listened to had some insight into a problem or question I was facing. Got to love General Conference. :) I also just felt like I was being hugged by the Spirit every time I sat down to watch.

* I fulfilled my bucket list goal of purchasing something from Anthropologie. I am now the proud owner of a black floral skirt, marked down twice from $98 to a glorious $29.95.

Stay tuned for our future posts, which will include...

* Finals week! (The horror!)

* Graduation! (The joy!)

* Studying for the DAT! (The drudgery!)

Okay, that's all folks.

updates, updates

I have been a lazy lazy girl at keeping up this blog. But I do want to keep it alive. Here's what we've been doing lately...

HE...

turned 23

has gotten 100% on more than one exam

is writing three papers this week

is shadowing an oral surgeon and LOVING it, which makes me happy, although I'm worried we are NEVER going to get out of debt

is a hot Italian man on the scooter


I...

got into nursing school

am so nearly nearly graduated

have been working at Borders

wrecked our car

have been selected to be a voting member in the Indie Lit Awards (woot!)

have been blogging and reading a lot and attempting to write again.


WE...

are going to be Camp Kesem counselors in August

have been blessed in so many ways - we have had some financial hardships (see item 4 under "I") but have had some financial blessings that have eclipsed them. (Thanks for the belated Pell Grant, BYU)

can't wait for spring

have been married for almost seven months.

A Mental Workout

I am supposed to be at the gym right now. This is the reason I wouldn't let Scott take the car to the Fishbowl, resulting in me driving him around. This is why I wasn't going to feel guilty about eating In-N-Out and oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough all day. However, I spent the hour I had reserved for studying for my biochemistry test reading book blogs and failing (yet another) biochem blackboard quiz. Time to start focusing again, my friends.

I'm not sure what it is, but I no longer have any drive or energy for school. I don't know if it is because I know that as long as I pass this class, I will graduate, or if I am just so busy doing other, non-school related things, that I can't be bothered to do my biochemistry homework. Maybe it is because I have more time, so I continually put off my homework. Although I feel like I am busy most of the time. I think I spend a disproportionate amount of time cleaning my tiny apartment - Scott and I have so much cluttery stuff (we both have pack-rat tendencies) that it is impossible to get everything 100% spotless. I spend way too much time cleaning for how messy it looks, at any rate. Maybe its because now I spend the largest amount of time in this front room by myself, and so it isn't "the study zone" for me.

I have been a full-time student with no breaks for the last four years. My longest break has been at Christmas each year. And I liked it that way. I get depressed when I am bored, I've never been a TV watcher, I'm not really one to "just hang out" with people. Combine that with the fact that I changed my major an appalling number of times, and you have four years straight of full-time education. I thought I would miss school and get depressed without so much to do. In some ways, I guess that is true, because I have so much less structure. But really, I now have so many more things that I want to do. I want to work out every day and get to a weight that I'm happy with before I start having kids (because I know it will just get harder and harder after that!). I want to read all these stacks of books lurking next to my night stand (if you would believe it, I accidentally typed "book stand" instead of night stand. Well, I guess that is what it really is). I want to start practicing again because I have neglected the piano and now its getting back at me by not sounding the way I want it to sound. I want to start writing again because all this reading has reminded me of my biggest dream when I was little. I want to cultivate friendships now that I spend most of my day alone (this is probably the busiest semester of Scott's undergraduate career). I can't possibly do them all.

I'm not sure what my point in this rant is. I think mostly I felt like writing, but couldn't justify getting out my notebook and sitting in a corner for an hour. It is so much easier to while away time on the computer than anywhere else, but there is never really anything to show for it at the end. In the last hour and a half (did I really spend that much time on here?) I could have at least finished my biochem reading for tomorrow.

I'm hoping that now that I have a new job, it will be easier to motivate myself and give myself structure. I won't be dreading the next day of work so much that I want to pull the covers over my head.

Anyway, I didn't mean for this to be a bummer post. I'm just examining my reasons for not wanting to study, when I have lived for studying for the last four years. I have a test on Saturday and I feel no inward drive to prepare for it, even though I know that I am completely clueless about the material and I didn't do well on the last test. Maybe I need to schedule my day rigidly and try to stick to it, just so I can get more done. I need to stop being such a slacker!

After all that, I feel a lot lighter. To round out the post, here are some Lemmons updates of happiness:
1. Scott got a 100% on both his PdBio 362 test and his tissue bio test. These are the two classes taught by professors he wants letters of recommendation from, so this is a very good thing. :)
2. I quit my job at Mesa Vista and was hired today by Borders! I was in my car when I heard the voicemail and I screamed. Pretty loudly.
3. I discovered the best bookshop every in Salt Lake today. It reminds me of Shakespeare and Co. in Paris. I think I'm going to have to make it a weekly stop on my way home from volunteering on Thursdays. Hopefully they won't mind me loitering around not making purchases. And hopefully Borders won't consider it a disloyalty.
4. I saw Jenny and Jaden today. I haven't seen them since I stopped doing ABA for Jaden in August, and it was good to visit for a few minutes. Jaden remembered me and gave me a hug, although he was acting shy at first. When I knocked on the door, he peeked out the door and yelled, 'Mommy! It's Lorren!'
5. I'm rediscovering music. For a little while, I was hardly listening to music at all. I'm not sure why -I think maybe it was a result of driving so much when I was working in Sandy. I just got sick of my iPod, got sick of listening to music doing nothing. But the magic of it is back, and it is a great stress relief.
6. I went to In-N-Out with Sarah. Always good to see a person, especially a person I really like. :)
7. It's almost the weekend, which means I get to spend time with Scott.

This introspective rant is over, and I am going to climb into our big fat La-Z-Boy and read my biochem book. No Kindle, no computer, no chocolate. I'm just going to remind myself over and over like a mantra, "I love learning. I love science. I love learning. I love science." Until I am finished with my tests.

Peace out.

what happens when you find out you don't have work but no one is home

Here's what I want:
* To get in to nursing school
* To lose 5 pounds
* Less time on my hands
* More time
* Ok, the unenjoyable things to take less time.
* A shopping spree at Anthropologie
* New bookshelves
* To start practicing again
* Scott to get home.

working fears

It appears that the computer I'm using doesn't have a very good shift button, so please forgive me if I wantonly leave things uncapitalized. I know I've been a slacker on this blog lately - I really will catch up, and I have some awesome pictures to post from Scott and my adventure across the Golden Gate Bridge (mark that one off the bucket list!) But tonight, I am feeling a little introspective and wanted to share a talk that I just found.

I just started working at a new job in a home for developmentally disabled people. The job is interesting, looks great on my nursing resume, and what's more, it's a job. I watched my highly qualified roommate search for four months before she was able to find a job, so I feel very grateful to have a job that is close, gives me plenty of work hours, and is in a field in which I hope to work in the future.

However, starting this job has also caused me a lot of stress. Some of the residents can be aggressive and difficult to control, and my job places a lot of responsibility on my head for the safety and dignity of these people. So far, I haven't even worked on my own - I've only been in training shifts - and I felt overwhelmed at the need to be many places at once. Friday is my first day going it alone, followed by a Saturday morning shift about 8 hours later, a Sunday evening shift, and then a Monday shift. Everything will be thrown at me all at once. I've been feeling really stressed and apprehensive about this today after an 8 hour orientation to the job.

So, I looked up some talks about fear, and the one that really struck me was this one. It is a reminder that circumstances may seem uncertain, but to remember to count my blessings and that nothing unpleasant in this life is permanent. This job may be a bit more than I was expecting, but hopefully (if I can ever finish this nursing essay before Saturday) I will be in training to be a nurse in a few months and I will already have experienced the hardest parts of that kind of job. I can do this, even if it isn't easy!